Hans Un His Katarina

Melody - "Villikins and his Dinah"

"A dismally doleful Dutch ditty by Snyderskype"

'Tis of a rich Dutchman in Niew Yorick did live,
He had von fine daughter, you petter believe;
Her name vas Katarina, so fair ash a rose,
Un she had a large fortune, ash every one knows.
(Which is goot as Holtzman's lager, and dats kneuff) singing--
Ein little gal dat vos so better ash goot,
Mit shy tousand tollar, in te marryin mood,
So all de young Deitchers, almost to a man,
Followed up Katarina so fast vot dey can.

2. Ash Katarina vas drawing de lager one day,
Her fader comed to her, un dus he do say:
"Hurry up, Katarina--de parlor go to,
A customer vaits to go ridin mit you.
(On behalf of de double headed fader)--singing:
For I'm a pig Deitcher, mit plenty of cash,
And mein little gal must cut a pig dash;
Now shlick up your cope and look very prim,
Then fill up his glass mit foam to de brim.

3. "Oh, fader, vy don't dey some oder gal find?
To ride mit dem fellers I don't feel inclined;
De vay dey drives de buggy, it makes me feel veak,
Un I vants to git married to Hans Donder next veek.
(On behalf of the refractory juvenile)--singing:
I love dat Hans Donder mit all of my might,
And to spheak mit dem fellers I don't tink is right;
I'd rader be buried in a hogshead of krout,
Mit my mouth all sewed up so I couldn't eat out."

4. Den her fader git mad, and he shwear his "py tam!"
She not nefer must marry mit any young man:
"If you love dis Hans Donder, you must go take his bags,
Mit his hooks, un his paskets, and go gader rags."
(On behalf of de lager bier keg in commotion)--singing:
Katarina! Katarina! you musht not stay here;
You've done mit de pretzels, de krout and de pier:
I'll drive you right out, mitout shoes or sthockings,
And I'll set on your track the native know-nothings.

5. Katarina now back to de kitchen she ran;
Saying "I'll eat up mine preakfast so fast vot I can;
Den I'll dravel avay, as I can't been his vrow,
But before I pegs out I kicks up a row."
(On behalf of the splinter of de old blockhead)--singing:
Donder and blitzen, I've got very mad,
I dinks I've got sphunk as vell as my dad;
So I'll fill up mine powels, and den I'll begin
To kick up ter tuyvel as vell as I kin.

6. But as she vas eating a pig Bolony sassage,
It stickt in her troat, and it stopht up de passage;
She tried for to breathe, but by grief overcome,
Her head it reeled round, and she falled very dumb.
(On behalf of Katarina on recovering slightly, when she commenced singing--)
Der schwatz ter tuyvel! oh, nix cum herous!
I'm kilt by mein fader, and I'll haunt his old house;
De sphooks and de goblins, dat never eat spheck,
Shall come every night, and get to his neck.

7. Now Hans Donder he happened to valk in de door,
He seed his Katarina lying dead on the floor;
A big Bolony sassage vas lying by her side--
Says Hans, "I pe sure 'twas mit dis ting she died!"
(On behalf of young Germany)--singing:
Katarina, Katarina, vot shall I do?
I can do mitout lager so petter as you;
Mine heart's in my mouth so pig as a puck,
And I shwear at my stars for such nix-for-goot-luck.

8. As de fader was drawing de lager one night,
He spied Katarina, all covered mit white,
Mit a sassage in hand, the end burning blue,
Saying, "You Deitch proach furstaken, I'm disting for you."
(On behalf of the repentant Deitcher)--singing:
Mine Gott! vot ish dat vot I see mit my eyes?
It sthrikes me all up wit horrid surprise;
Ter tuyvel hash got me, and I've got to go
Where brimstone is cheap--away down below.


Now all you young vommins: votefer you do,
Don't let dat Hans Donder speak sometings mit you;
Un all you young fellers, ven you courts in de passage,
Dink of Hans un Catarina and de big Bolony sassage.

From American Song Sheets, Series 1, Volume 4.

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